Coaching by G

Finding My Way

August is the month that ushers in so much loss for me. It is the month that school starts.  The summer months are full of kids back from college and high school kids lifting and learning in my studio. In August, though, there is an abrupt ending with kids leaving for college.  It is a time of grieving for me, not because I didn’t think they would leave, but because we grow together through deepening connections and I feel the loss of their presence, even though they almost always return for many years.

Looming even larger is the anniversary of my mothers death, August 26, 2019. Four years ago my mother turned 85 and 8 days later lay down for an afternoon nap and never woke up.

In the months after my mothers death, I would awaken each night with alarming precision at 2:14 A.M.  In the glow of the moon, the experiences of the sweetness of my mother came to me. I had spent the better part of a lifetime huddled in the cold, dark cellar of my resentments of her.  Many years ago, I had made peace with her and with myself.  Especially when we are bereaved, we seek comfort.  I find some comfort in the piece I wrote for her memorial one of those early early mornings. 

When I recall these parts, these very real pieces, of my mother, I recall her loving presence. 

She was everything.  She was the fiercest, meanest, kindest, warmest, coolest, loveliest, cruelest, gentlest.  She gave tirelessly of herself to nature, art, children, friends, and to family.

She was my mother, my source.  She was my first heart break. 

The role of mother is the role of everything: the life giver, the channel for the Great Mystery to move through, the Earth, the moist rich soil of nothing and therefore of ALL creation.  It is no mystery that I am not a mother.  I prefer my role of Auntie.

My best friend became a mother at 48.  I was shocked.  She had moved to DC.  I was in grad school and preoccupied with my own existence (which turns out to have been a really poor excuse for letting friendship lag) and she sent me a card with a picture of her at about 8 months pregnant with twins!!!! I mean you have never seen anyone this pregnant. And then she gave birth to these babies and one day she was gracious enough to bring them to me and I fell in love instantly and the rest is history.  

This whole life is about how we survive breaking our own hearts.  How we survive our perceptions of other peoples trespasses, foibles, transgressions, etc……..

I spent my whole life CERTAIN that my mother had been the source of my deepest pain. I wanted her to fix it, make it go away, all the things we imagine are our mothers duties.  And, for sure, I’d known exactly how she had devastated me and so I knew exactly how she should repair that wound….

It doesn’t work that way, I’ve discovered. I was pretty much wrong about it all.

Even had she accepted responsibility for all the pain of my life, which she did not,  there is no way to take away another persons pain.  We each must be willing to let it go, to recycle it all back to Spirit, to leave it to grow something new in the compost of life. 

I spent years grasping for relief. What I was attached to turns out to have been the narrative I created to seemingly assuage my pain.  I was not forgiving her, for sure, and I was not forgiving myself. What I discovered along the way is what Nelson Mandela said: 

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”  

It is common to keep our own healing at bay by blaming something or someone outside of us for our pain.  It helps us feel into the role of victim. “They” is an ephemeral.  They did this to me.  If I am a victim I am surely absolved of responsibility? But the truth is I am not ever absolved of the responsibility for my own life. Whatever happened, whatever I am experiencing in my life, with other people, situations, etc is ALL mine.  Everything that comes up is coming up so that I can clear it.   

When I went to my mother and asked her wtf and learned that she would not be offering me any relief, I understood it was mine alone, and, finally, willingly, undertook the journey toward myself.

I had found the rock bottom, so to speak.  The hard place that I could, at last,  push off from.

And it took me on a wild ride.

It started in movement.  I was fortunate to have always been able to find my way into my heart through physical activity.  Then I began meditation, another practice undertaken on a path to finding inner peace. 

I’d sit in meditation and say “I am willing to forgive you for not being what I needed.”

And that softened into forgiveness and then that softened into forgiving myself.  

Or, at least, a beginning. I began learning Breathwork techniques as a means to open further and followed my own inner guidance to learning about the root causes of pain, illness, and diseases.  

Self forgiveness is really what I was after, all along.  Self love is the journey we are all on, it turns out.

I was a little bitty baby girl and I survived so much.  I survived the things that people aren’t supposed to have to survive, or so we tell ourselves.  In reading books, many of which were given me by my mother, I learned that, in fact, everyone has to survive.  It’s really just biology.  We are all victims or survivors or whatever word we choose to define our relationship and our exchange with this one precious life. Birth is painful.  If you watch any creature being born, the incredible brutality of it will change you forever.  

We are all fighting like hell to get here. 

Why is that? 

Can you imagine yourself being born? What is it you fought so hard to get here to do? Is there a story about your birth? What is it that we are doing here? 

I realized I wasn’t here on earth to blame my mother.  But, the blaming showed up in me as physical dis-ease and pain.  The blaming showed up as dysplasia, eczema, ulcers, irritable bowel, excess body fat, a herniated disc and a tumor in my breast…

Bleeding from my nipple was really the last straw. The way the body speaks to us is a metaphor that only we can untangle for ourselves.  Whatever is coming up in or on my body is showing me my blind spots.

The great thing about me, though, is I have used every physical ailment as a point for change. 

All the things I have held onto in an effort to hurt someone else have only hurt me. And all of those things taught me a lesson in letting go.

So how did forgiveness create the life I want?

It let me release the life I don’t want.

This healing journey started many moons ago. The most current path I have chosen includes Breathwork and working with the root causes of pain, illness, disease, in addition to my lifelong practices of weightlifting and meditation. There is nothing linear about a human’s evolution, either in the macro or in the micro.  We are all on a unique path. As it is with physical development, spiritual development is individual. We all learn on our own time.  The curriculum, while ours alone, is not optional, only the time we take it is ours to choose. The life we have is ours to unfold.  No one can know it for us or explain it to us.  

I learned to be wary of the people who have the answers. Most of them likely did not understand the question.  And none of them can know me as I know myself. 

You are the power.  You are the answer.  You are the light.  You are born complete.  You don’t have any missing pieces.  Your life is your medicine and holds all of your answers and all the questions.  This is all accessible to us. Breathwork and a deeper inquiry in root cause practices can bring us closer to ourselves by quieting the mind in a space of deep compassion. 

“I’ve never felt more grounded and yet I also felt that I was floating!  That is the first time my mind has ever been quiet.”  

J.R. Oak Park Breathwork client.

You cannot smash open an acorn and find an oak tree, or rip open a rosebud to make the flower appear, even though you know the acorn will become a massive oak tree and the rose bud a rose.  

Life is an unfolding, an ebb and flow, a becoming, a birth and a growing and a dying and a rebirth over and over and over again.  The acorn takes the time it takes to grow into an oak.  Your job is to simply allow it.  How can you nurture its growth? Like the seasons floating in upon the breeze, none of us can make them appear faster or slower, none of us is making them come or go or linger longer.  Each of us can put a fence around the oak sapling, water it, and tell it how big and strong it will become, providing homes for many creatures and shade for many more, and food, and fun, like a swing or place to sit high above the earth to read or get a different view.

Everything the oak needs is already baked in the acorn, just as everything that you need is already in you; you were born perfect. Your only job is to allow your own becoming.

I help people find their own way.  My tools are Breathwork, Root Cause Practice, weightlifting, meditation, and nutrition.  I weave these together depending on the needs and desires of each individual.  I help people open to their own unfolding through compassionate inquiry and some physical work, either through breathing or lifting weights or literally, through whatever moves you forward on your own path.

From my heart to yours,

Giulia signature

Movement Is An Expression Of Well-Being

how often have I found where I shouild be going by setting out for somewhere else

 “Character — the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life — is the source from which self-respect springs.” Joan Didion

It was 4:30 in the morning.  rise early for work and I get ready upstairs before coming down.  We have a routine, the dogs and I. A ministry of love.  Lillie sleeps with me and is almost always lying next to me with her head on my right shin as I wake.  We cuddle in bed a bit and then I get up.  When I come downstairs I always sing to Roadie and rub his head and ears and give him hugs and kisses for the morning.  But this particular morning he made a beeline to the back door and I followed. I put the collars on the dogs and got a few makeshift pats and hugs in on Roadie and then opened the back door and the storm door leading to the screened-in porch.  In atypical fashion, I let the storm door close.  I opened the outside door for the dogs and propped it open, as always.  I turned to go back in the house and the door had locked itself behind me.  Now, this door has a history. This door has locked me out before. But, you see, I keep a set of keys to the house in a lock box on the porch.  Alas, I did not have my glasses and no amount of light or squinting could bring the tiny numbers on that box into focus.

What to do, there on the porch? Kept from my home by a tiny piece of metal, entirely unable to see what was literally right in front of me.

I had no keys, no phone, no glasses.

I sat there on the floor of the porch and thought isn’t this hilarious?

Luckily, I had gotten dressed before coming downstairs, so I had that going.  I have new neighbors to the south of me.  We have been friendly and they are early risers like me. I hopped my fence because I was also unable to see the code to unlock the fence.  I rang their doorbell and they answered.  (Cue the angels singing and the sun rising) The grandparents do not speak English but they understand “help” and went to get their son.  He came over—with his glasses on-and helped me get the keys.

In the moments on the back porch when I sat on the floor staring at the lockbox bewildered, I had some time to reflect.  I do think Spirit has quite a sense of humor.  What are we to do when certainty evades us?  When are we ever even certain of anything?

I notice the ways I have tried to create certainty in my own life and in the moment on the porch spirit said look up, look around, see all the Grace that is available to you.

What else is right in front of me that I am not seeing?  What could be the miracle that is awaiting me in this moment?  How can I arrive in my body accepting this?

I recounted my story to a person I love and the response was “I bet that was infuriating.”

I actually did not feel any anger rise.

I felt complete surrender which was refreshing and a little terrifying.

I knew that even if I missed my work that day I would be safe.  The dogs would be safe.  If my one neighbor had not answered the door I have many others who might have—and eventually someone would have.  We live in community for many reasons, mostly because we need each other.

When the pandemic hit and people were hoarding toilet paper it was such a bold example of the me first culture we have built.

Divisions of the haves and have nots.

Age old and tedious AF.

But also a revelation about how shitty some people actually behave.

I seriously want to know how any person is finding their salvation in hoarding toilet paper?

Anna Lembke, Stanford University researcher and author of the book Dopamine Nation writes: “Human beings, the ultimate seekers, have responded too well to the challenge of pursuing pleasure and avoiding pain.  We have transformed the world from a place of scarcity to a place of overwhelming abundance. “

Tom Finucaine who studies diabetes in the setting of chronic sedentary feeding said “We are cacti in the rain forest. And like cacti adapted to an arid climate we are drowning in the dopamine.  The net effect is that we need more reward to feel pleasure and less injury to feel pain.“

I am immediately struck by imagery related to the phrase “chronic feeding in a sedentary setting.”   Really, isn’t this what the pandemic produced for many people? Children reported to me that they didnt even get out of bed to start school—sleeping with their phone or computer they simply rolled over and signed in to classes while still in bed, and typically fell back to sleep or dozed on and off through the day.

“The smartphone is the modern-day hypodermic needle delivering dopamine 24/7 for a wired generation”, writes Lembke.  Dopamine is the molecule monitored for measuring the addictive potential of anything. The more dopamine, the more addictive.  How much do we need to feel reward?

Craving is the moment of the brains pleasure balance tipped to the side of pain.  We are all seeking relief from the pain in which we are drowning ourselves. The book is about how to overcome compulsive consumption.

Do people actually want to learn how?

This book discusses the science of addiction and recovery.  And it points out that each of us is an addict of sorts—we live in a culture primed for addictions and the consequences of the pandemic seem to have turned the volume way up on addictive behaviors not even remotely limited to hoarding toilet paper.

When I consider the concept of what and how we feed ourselves the word fitness comes to mind. Fitness is such a fat word, overripe and oozing with judgments.  What we feed ourselves might be a story about why we are not fit or a story about how our body is different or how we have some limitation.  But, it seems to me that fitness, like addiction,  is self defined and truly every single body is different.

As a coach, what I teach is that awareness is the only point of change.  If you plug coordinates in your phone to get to a specific location you also need to know where you currently are located in order to draw the map.  This is true for any change.

Where am I?

Where would I like to be?

How can I get there?

What am I feeding myself and how?

What do I want to eat, to consume, to digest?

Its not just the food we are eating.  It is how we get our food, where we get it, how we eat it, and how it makes us feel.

Its not just what we are eating, its what we are doing while eating; reading, watching, listening etc…..

Its not just what we are doing while eating its what we are doing and thinking and consuming all the time.

The only thing not fixed is the path from A to B but A and B are fixed points.

I ask everyone the simplest question: What do you really really want?

And, unfortunately, mostly people answer with “well, I will tell you what I don’t want!”

But that is seriously missing the point.

You are focused on what you don’t want.  And that is the surest way to get more.

All of the places a person can be marketed to reflect a place within them where exchange is off.

What am I willing to give and to receive?

What is the payoff for consuming toxins—anything from alcohol and drugs to sugar, fast food and fox news (or any news)?

What stirs within—what amount of dopamine hits your reward center? What follows?

The point is, when we can get curious instead of certain we can make some progress.

How do you get in touch with what you are feeling?

Why are you doing what you are doing?

What are some things that you are doing more that you would like to do less?

What are some things you are doing less that you would like to do more?

One of the ways to gain some clarity is through the breath.  If you are willing id like to do a type of breath with you today.

Together we can breathe some life into our hopes and dreams today. Collectively we can call on our higher selves and our spirit guides to walk us closer to our higher selves.  For me this means opening the channel to allow more flow.

I’d like to share one simple practice I use called alternate nostril breathing.

In Ayurveda is called

Nadi Shodhana: Alternate Nostril Breathing

The word nadi means “river” or “flow.” Shodhana means “purification.” This practice cleanses and purifies the nadis or channels of the body, and balances the flow of breath through both nostrils, which balances our solar and lunar energies. In western terms, it increases the flow between the right and left hemispheres of the brain through the corpus collosum.

It calms, purifies, and strengthens the nervous system. And is best practiced on an empty stomach.


  1. Begin sitting in a comfortable seated position, aligning the spine over the pelvis.
  2. Using the right hand, fold down the “peace sign” fingers toward the palm.
  3. From this position, you will use the right thumb to open and close the right nostril, and the right ring finger to open and close the left nostril.
  4. With both nostrils open, inhale and exhale completely.
  5. Begin the first round by closing the right nostril and gently inhaling through the left. Close the left nostril with the ring finger, open the right, and gently exhale through the right nostril. NOTE: Always switch before the exhale!
  6. Inhale through the right nostril, and switch nostrils to exhale through the left.
  7. This is one round, the pattern being: IN left—OUT right—IN right—OUT left
  8. Begin with 10 rounds, adding one round per week up to 30 rounds.

Benefits: relieves insomnia, stress, and anxiety, purifies the channels of the body, calms the nervous system, regulates body temperature.

Precautions: headaches, fever, restlessness, agitation, seizures, blocked nasal passages, cold.

One thing I practice through the breathwork is a way to DO something without doing something. The breathwork I practice and teach is a meditation.  The pranayama breath is way of breathing through the mouth only and is a way to bypass the mind and move directly into the body.  There are infinite paths inward and I choose several to deepen my connection to self.  Even in the way I teach movement there is not one way.  There is your way.  Right now.

And Way will shift. Way opens and closes not unlike our heart center.  It seems to me that part of my work on this 3 dimensional plane is to continually seek and find way knowing that like every aspect of self it too will shapeshift and disappear and reappear in new ways, as I do.

The quote—

“how often I have found where I should be going by setting out for somewhere else”  by Buckminster Fuller rests on the wall in my studio.  I know this intimately.

I moved to Chicago in 2006 for a postdoctoral position in Biochemistry and molecular genetics at UIC.  I worked in a prestigious laboratory with the worlds expert in Anti-coagulation.  My doctoral research was examining the interactions of enzymes involved in the coagulation cascade: Blood clotting. The human body has fascinated me since I can remember.  I knew when I was 16 that I would study biochemistry.  It took me longer than some people to finally gather the courage to pursue my dreams.  I’m still pursuing them and they shift perpetually.   I found it difficult to emerge amongst the overwhelming noise that bombarded my own inner signal. I quit things most people wouldn’t.  I went to college on a scholarship to play the violin—I was recruited in 1984.  Who the hell even knew I was down in Louisville, Ky making music? I wanted to play field hockey in college but apparently I was meant to play music. I left college after 2 years—even though I loved my school—I did not understand that I could get a degree in music and not have to be a musician for the rest of my life. I knew what I wanted AND I knew I didn’t want that. I left college.  I had been cooking in a retreat center in the mountains all summer and rafting and watching luna moths as big as my head and making new friends and so I stayed a while until my parents convinced me that I should be productive—so I was shepherded back to Louisville to live with my parents and get a job.  I started cooking in restaurants and then went off to Italy to study cooking in a 5 star hotel in Salsomaggiore Terme near where my father had grown up. I began to gain weight through college and after.  While I lived in Italy I rode my bike everywhere and ate clean food.  I worked a lot and spent time with family and lost a lot of weight.

This would be a theme in my life: on purpose, lean—off purpose, fat.

Until I stopped the cycle.

When I was 24 I lost over 100 pounds and have kept it off for the last 32 years.
Weight loss is a practice—not a diet.  I lost weight by getting clear on exchange.  By resuming physical activity that I loved, eating whole foods that I cooked, and quitting toxins.  
There have been periods of my life traceable to relationship woes, job changes, and general angst where it was harder—but its always a practice.

Everything we choose is a practice.  What doe it feel like to eat things you know don’t make you feel good?

For me change came from the constant awareness that I wanted to feel better.

The book Dopamine nation will give you all the science—and the truth is we are getting a fix, like a drug.   There is real hormonal chemistry happening…….every pursuit of pleasure  (from a physiological perspective) is rewarded with a pain response—Dr Lembke calls them gremlins who hop on the other end of the see saw to re-equilibrate it.

My personal philosophy assumes that everything is emerging as a consequence of both the tension and unity between interacting systems. I believe that mental phenomena are neither separate nor distinct from physical events. (Thinking and feeling are deeply connected) What is happening IS felt in the body because thought produces form. And the Body keeps the Score, for sure, as Basel Van Der kolk has written so eloquently.

And sages describe a state without suffering and a way to get there. That way is not to by searching for a remedy, a panacea, a magic bullet, or a pill, but to engage in the ongoing process of learning to become more animated and more connected.  To become, in essence, more charged with life force. My intention is to be progressing toward greater integration through the cultivation of my own energy.  My practices allow me to NOTICE when I am not in alignment and to come back faster and with greater ease and with some grace for myself for reacting in an old pattern. I feel better when I choose grace.  This is the guiding Principle of my life and work.  It feels good to be kind.  It feels good to laugh.  It feels good to move.

Movement as Meditation is not to create states of ecstasy or absorption but to experience being.

In meditation, as in movement, there is a quality of both being and of rest. An arousal of your feelings of trust. Trust in what?

Finding your home ground.

Paying attention to what is happening in your body.

You are not meditating on anything else.

Whatever we do in life we are affected by our mind.

Movement can be a meditation that allows us to

s l o w the speed of thinking. Let go.

Tune in.

If you’re not sure what that is and want to make a commitment to yourself I invite you to watch the video below





From my heart to yours,

Sometimes the Blockage is the Way to Acceptance

Yoni blockage

Yoni. What does that even mean, I wondered. 

It is the place from which we are all born.  The sacred place. The source, shakti, the Divine Feminine.  In the literal act of baptism, the baptized pass through a giant yoni and are then said to be born-again.

What comes from birth is more than your life. 

It is a lot of pain.  Sometimes pieces of DNA that you might not want get stuck on you or in you, like Bowen’s disease.  They told me it was genetic.  This was before epigenetic was a buzzword —they told me I didn’t cause it but I probably triggered it, which sounded as much like blame as anything.

I was 24.  I had a precancerous growth on my vulva. What’s a vulva? See yoni.

The precancerous growth started as a virus-HPV, to be exact.  So, perhaps I was born with HPV from my moms yoni, but I didn’t trigger it evidently until I was 24 and deep into the stressors of living against myself.  This was long before I put the pieces together of how smoking and drinking and whatever other horrible things I was doing to my body, mind, and sprit in my youth were killing me. I just ran right smack into it. 

This is life.  This is how it is.  There is no escape.  All the things we do to escape the pain lead us right back into it. 

I teach this now: how to live toward yourself versus against.  I really wish I could just tell you to put down the chips, booze, device, joint, drug, whatever you are using to run away and just sit with it.  There are no weapons that can win the wars we wage against our past, present, or future pains. 

I built my life on avoiding pain. I know this shit inside out. 

I made it another 32 years into this life before the next episode of yoni expressed herself in me. This time growing on and in my uterus—taking up space, blocking exit or entry to my uterus—my creative energy.

I had this growth removed, surgically.  I sent it off to the lab for a biopsy: BENIGN.

The best we can hope for is a benign blockage. But what is growing? What I know to be true is that there is no benign anything.  Biology dictates that everything is either growing or dying.  Everything has a purpose.  Everything is here for a reason.  When I make jokes about why in the world biology thought to create mosquitos, I realize they are to feed the bats and their larva to feed to glorious angels we call dragonflies.  There is purpose everywhere—even if we don’t understand it.  

When I assume this to be true I can see that everything is already perfect, and everything is going from perfect to perfect versus from imperfect to perfect. It shifts my whole experience.  There is so much Grace in acceptance.  I can imagine that my life is emerging.  

I frequently ask myself what it means to accept what is?

Acceptance for me is surrendering to what is. Surrender is not giving up—its giving over.  How does an acorn know to become an oak tree? It simply emerges as itself—it does not perseverate about whether it should be a Ginkgo or a Maple or a Burr Oak, for it is already baked in the recipe of the acorn.  So too, the fertilized egg. What if we imagine some upstream point where the energy chose to be an acorn or a fertilized egg? It is one possibility. For me, it is a recognition that whatever I feel about a given situation does not change the situation. 

I use the example of freight trains: I am driving and then stopped at the railroad crossing—there is nothing to do.  I watch the drivers around me itching to accelerate—trying to find a path through, whipping around the stopped cars, driving into oncoming traffic lanes, anything to avoid the stillness.  I find it the most beautiful experience of being with what is.  No one has changed the fact that there is a train blocking passage. No one has sped up the situation.  But this is not the story they tell themselves—in their mind—they are smarter than the train—they know a way around it. They are making things happen!

This also applies at the grocery store. The line at the check out is long—all the lines are long—your egoic mind wants to imagine that it can calculate a quicker route—first it says—not this line, not the line you are in.  Anything is better than this. 

Malcolm Gladwell published a book—I cannot recall which one—that details that in fact this is false.  There is no faster way.  Someone will argue with this.   The mental space required to edge out your perceived competition in the grocery store checkout line or at the train tracks is not small potatoes.  It occupies your entire experience.  You may have scored the best groceries—the freshest fruit and vegetables, the most beautiful piece of fish, full of life force energy—the ingredients to cook a delicious meal for the absolute love of your life—and all of this will be overshadowed by your need for speed.

What if you waited your turn?  What if while waiting you just observed the insanity around you and discerned that you would rather have peace? What if you waited and dreamt of the meal you will be cooking, the look on your lovers’ face as they experience the cuisine you prepared with love, the ingredients hand picked and perfectly embodying the flavors you intended? That is just one thing you could occupy yourself with as you wait your turn.  Instead, you might leave the grocery store full of anger or impatience and self righteous fury forgetting all about the love with which you had shopped for the food.

We live in a world of me first.  There is an overwhelming sense that we are not supposed to have to wait in line, or for the internet speed, or for a train, or for anything or anyone. What is waiting? You really get to decide at every moment if you are waiting for something or if you are just being, here and now. 

Our ability or inability to get still is linked with every facet of our well being.  There is no way to be well if you are always thinking that you can get ahead—because with that you are never present in the now—and guess what? There is no other time than now.  

I know—there are so many who will argue with that last statement, too.  They say, “well you have to be thinking about your future and processing your past!” Mmmmmmmmm, perhaps integrating your experiences by being fully present in them is more important.  Have you ever tried that?

The essential understanding here is that all of life is experiential.  Until you stop thinking that you know the way to get “there” you are just chasing your tail.  You keep doing the same thing —your mind is on a perennial treadmill and you have no awareness.  The scenery never changes and you don’t even notice it.  You are so attached to knowing what is coming next that you miss everything that is actually happening and you define it as waiting in line—always getting the slowest, dumbest cashier (no judgment there:), getting stopped by the train (as if it were personal—only stopping you—targeted at you, even), but really all you are doing is waiting for your life to begin.

Until you allow consciousness to rise up in your patterns—you are just a puppet on a string of your own egoic mind.  You define every experience as happening to you as opposed to happening for you, or all the things you HAVE to do, instead of all the things you have chosen……..

It’s really simple—but its not easy.  Everything is.  Every single thing you experience is only exactly as YOU define it.  So I remind you to choose again. If you are not enjoying your life, choose again.  If you think you are waiting for some idiot, choose again.  Start to notice how you put yourself at the absolute center of every experience —it’s all about you in your mind.  But if you were to think the cashier thinks it is really all about them you’d be outraged.  

There is no place where one person ends and the other begins. There is no other person out there.  There is only you in there. 

So I am here now with a growth in my uterus.  Does it matter the origin? Does assigning it to my mother or to anything somehow save me? Does assuming I “know” the cause make me have to deal with what is happening differently? I wonder this when people say “x” is happening because “y”.  This is happening because of my mother. I mean, first of all, so what.  Second of all, how in the world does assigning responsibility to another person actually save me? It doesn’t.  I am still here with a growth in my uterus. 

What if I accept 100% responsibility for everything that is happening in my life? What if I assume the “acorn” knows what it is doing.  I respond to what is emerging rather than trying to push it away, trying to not feel what comes up, or even not hate it as though it were invading my pristine body? What if I KNOW that it is supposed to be happening?  What if I just wonder why? What if I wonder how I allowed something to grow and how I participated in its emergence instead of assuming it is wrong? 

Nothing I think or do or say can change what is happening.  

Next time you are in line waiting for anything see if you can notice how your mind assigns your impatience to other people.  It says you are waiting because of someone else. You would rather blame a stranger than recognize what you are projecting out of yourself. Choose again. You can remind yourself that you are choosing to be there.  You can remind yourself to stop centering your attention on roadblocks. Focusing on roadblocks will drain you of your life force energy through distraction. Whatever you are feeling is coming from inside of you.  If you feel anger, rage, impatience, hate, fear, love, joy happiness, peace, grounded—these emotions are in you.  If you say I am mad because…… are assigning your feelings to other.  But they are your feelings. They are in you.  Events and people and situations only trigger what is already inside of us.  There is no cause.   Re-center your awareness on what you truly desire to experience and choose again.

I choose to see the uterine growth as an opportunity to clear away blocks to my creative power.  This is a chance to next level my awareness of my physical body and the connection between my thoughts and my experiences and my feelings.  This is another chance to gain some clarity on what is emerging.  I can allow it to shift and change as all things do.  I can be with it at every stage of it’s emergence as much as I am able. If I keep wondering it gives me space to allow for what is instead of assigning some meaning to it and then acting on it based on the meaning I have given it.

Its very different to assume that this growth is some horrible vestige of my past, or some bit of DNA from birth (which was really a long time ago, LOL) or some growth trying to zap my life, versus imagining that this is something for me to gain more awareness about my body, my life, my choices, my future. My power lies in my ability to shift my thoughts. 

There is a very clear difference between force and power. Force is linear and finite.  Power is  infinite and non linear.  Power grows with use, force is eliminated with use.  

I choose to tap into the source of infinite power—to allow the field of possibility to be etheric and beyond my puny mind’s ideas and to recognize that forcing anything only makes me tired and brings me down. 

What I am saying is different, but it is not difficult.  What I am saying is shift. 

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