You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
-Alanis Morrisette
I recently began following the work of Alanis Morissette. Funny, because I always thought she was “angry.” LOL.
Some of her music popped up in my Spotify feed—things I had not heard before from a live album and I really loved a couple of the songs. Listening to her music led me down the path of listening again to some of her older songs with a different perspective. My perspective has shifted because everything about me has shifted. During the last year, my spiritual growth has been accelerated. I do not mean that in the egoic sense of “Oh, I am so advanced.”
What I mean is that my awareness of growth opportunities has truly expanded. As in, I feel my feelings more intensely and more frequently and I let them go more quickly. The other thing I notice when I discover someone or something new is how synchronous the universe is.
I went to Audible to get a few books and there was a free Audible book by Alanis Morissette so I downloaded and listened to it. In the book, she says that at a very early age she learned that 3 emotions were unacceptable: sadness, anger, and fear. When asked about her songwriting process she said (and I am paraphrasing —so please listen for yourself to get the real deal) she goes into a soundproof room and writes a song in about 10 minutes. She doesn’t edit her material: how it pours forth is the expression. Of course, she said, 10 minutes AND a lifetime is how long it takes to write a song. What she realized was that these suppressed feelings were like beach balls she had tried to force under the water in an ocean and how much energy it takes to hold the ball underwater and how it is unsustainable and always shoots out of the water in unpredictable trajectories.
This was such powerful imagery because I have tried that very thing, metaphorically, with feelings that seem unbearable and I have a lifetime of experiences of those feelings shooting out sideways and hurting me or others in unintended ways.
The very instant fish accept that they will never have arms; they grow fins.
What would you grow if you felt into those difficult emotions instead of holding them under the water hoping they will drown?
What would you grow if you could accept certain things? I am not suggesting that you accept circumstances, I am suggesting that you get creative. No arms? How about FINS??? With enthusiasm, not with resignation.
It’s not the voice of Eeyore saying “Oh well, I guess I’ll never have arms, might as well grow fins, sigh.” It is the voice of TIGGER! “The wonderful thing about tiggers is that tiggers are wonderful things! Their tops are made out of rubber, their bottoms are made out of springs…instead of arms they have FINS and fins are better for swimming…” Anyway, you get the gist?
Be enthusiastic about WHAT IS. If I accept a few absolute truths my life is made easier and with a greater sense of peace, I accept my reality.
What is an absolute truth? Here are a few that guide my very existence:
- Only love is real.
Yep. Everything else is an illusion. Sit with that and it will transmute your pain. Every time a thought about an experience you’ve had that was painful arises, say to yourself if only love is real and this was not love then this is not real. Does it mean you weren’t hurt? No. It means that you get to reflect on WHY you were hurt by something that is not real. Hint: it’s where you are WOUNDED. Heal the wound. That is all. - I can either have a grievance or a miracle but I cannot have both.
Anytime I am saying “oh yes, I believe in miracles but this person is just such an asshole,” I am for sure gonna miss the miracle. But – the miracle will be held in trust for me and I can experience it later when I accept the situation. I cannot think, “well my life would be perfect if only this were different.” Either my life is full of miracles or it isn’t. There are not two ways to have this. - I can either extend love or project fear. I cannot do both.
Fear is an absence of love just as darkness is an absence of light. Light is a real phenomenon. Darkness is not. Darkness is NOT a thing, it is the absence of a thing. You can either have darkness or light, not both. The way out of darkness is to turn on the light that is always available to you. Just as fear is the absence of love and love is always available to you! Being in a state of love drives out fear.
Believing our limiting beliefs sometimes feels right. It can feel right when the belief supports the belief system that you are not “right.” Overwhelmingly, I have seen this play out for people in destructive patterns of self-loathing like eating disorders, addiction, depression, anxiety. When we examine the beliefs we hold to be TRUE it can take a minute to buy into a new way of thinking. One way to break through some of the limiting thoughts we have is to recognize that if they don’t make us feel empowered there is no way for them to be true.
Only love is real.
I know some people who are depressed right now or in the middle of their own addictions to food, drugs, video games, alcohol, etc might be thinking: what even is an empowering thought? Begin with the premise that you can rewire your belief system. You do need to want a better life and no one can deliver that for you but you. But you can want it and still not know how and that is a great place to start.
So, if you are left believing your story about how you are “not enough” remember that only you can determine what “not enough” means. Remember, there is no universal truth about what is too fat, or too thin, or too poor, or too much or too little or anything—except YOUR thought about it. And you, as the actual creator of your experience, can choose your thoughts and therefore change your experience.
Each of us has to experience our own pain points around our limiting beliefs to get to a place where we WANT to change—where we want to feel differently. For some people, examining their beliefs might lead them toward acceptance. What if you believe you should be “different” somehow to please others? What if the real belief is not that you are too fat but that you are not enough? Getting to the root of why you are feeling bad or pushing down feelings is worth the effort because it will lead you toward living your real purpose.
I can 100% guarantee you that no matter what your limiting beliefs are, they are just that: limiting. Letting go of them is step one toward creating the life you have always dreamed of living. No matter where we are we still have to ask ourselves hard questions; is this the life I want? What can I do to become more fearlessly authentic in my own life?
To be clear, I am not suggesting that this is EASY, but it is a simple process that does not need to be overdone. The process is really a simple practice. Often I encourage people to change their state by moving their body and practicing gratitude. You can only co-create with positive energy. What we practice daily we become. Think about what you want to become and be able to clearly speak about how your life will be different once you become that, and then the path and the teachers will appear.
“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Your freedom comes in letting go. Every single thing that happens in your life is experienced as a sensation in your body. Therefore, how you are experiencing your body is a measure of the state of your actual life. I encourage clients toward daily exercise and meditation as a means of coming home to the body.
A path toward acceptance can be achieved in a meditation practice alone if movement is not available to you—or if it is but you are not ready. Meditation is often misunderstood as a way to clear the mind; meditation is absolutely NOT about clearing the mind. Meditation is a practice of noticing what is. Notice your thoughts and then you can allow them and let them pass without reactively holding onto them as facts.
You are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are not original. You are merely the thinker. Notice what is there and learn to allow it without anticipation, regret, or resistance.
A blank mind is what you seek through your addictions to TV, video games, alcohol, endless scrolling social media, drugs, and so on. Awareness is the goal of meditation and it is the only place from which one can transform anything in life. Try it! Ask me how.
As always, I would love to help you discover the things holding you back and help you remove the obstacles to living your best life now.
In health and with abundance in all things, stay strong!
Love,
Coach G