This morning, I saw this quote on Instagram: “You need to hang out with people who fit your future, not your history. Hang out with people who inspire you and force you to level up.”
Of course, no one knows what the future holds—but we can hope and dream and I hope you are doing that especially right now!!!
I am going through some interesting “leveling up” in 2021. I realized recently that the coaches I had hired to be my fitness coaches really didn’t know me. And it became clear that they didn’t really care to understand much about me as an individual. This team of coaches just assumed that they had the answer for everyone; one program for ALL people. Interesting.
Why was this interesting to me? It helped me realize that I didn’t have clarity on critical elements of my relationships with my coaches. Was I paying for things I wasn’t receiving? Maybe, but that wasn’t the important part. The important realization was that I wasn’t getting what I needed. So I sent an email clearly outlining what I would like to receive (and pay for) and my email was ignored. I had all sorts of feelings about that. First I thought, well they really don’t like me—I wonder what I did? Then I thought, wow they are really bad at business. So many judgments in my vacuum, while what I really needed was to see it all for what it was: NOT FOR ME.
Rejection – however it comes to you – is just divine REDIRECTION. What that experience helped me realize is that transparency is a quality I really admire. Transparency done with honesty and integrity is so refreshing–and I was missing that. I then acknowledged where I DO have transparency and honesty in my life and took my eggs out of the basket that was unfulfilling and decided to put them in the baskets that are fulfilling.
Where in your life can you reassess your commitment and exchange with work, people, businesses, and activities? It is really important to say what you value and then assess where you have that in your life and where you don’t. To be clear, my former coaches might be amazing for other people, but for me, they were not. I NEED to feel heard and seen as an individual, especially when I am paying for that. It’s not that they were BAD. It’s that their style was bad for ME. I don’t thrive there. They don’t up-level me.
Fortunately, I do have a professional in my life who does up-level me. She’s my nutrition coach, Jenn Ryan. Jenn is also a very accomplished professional athlete. What she is great at is making me feel seen and heard without judgment. She asks me questions that actually help me see myself and my behaviors and think “huh, maybe I am doing things that don’t really move me forward, maybe my thinking gets in the way.” I believe that is part of great coaching. I also see that part of what I need is her support and encouragement along with the tough questions and accountability. When she reaches out to me in a text or sends an encouraging word on Instagram—it just feels good because I know she is seeing me and supporting me. She is NOT cheerleading. In fact, the opposite is true; she is actually coaching me. Her engagement with me is based on my own engagement with myself, accountability toward the process, my clearly stated goals, and my work toward my goals in specific measurable ways. I hired her to coach me and she IS coaching me.
The experience I’ve described allowed me to consider my own approach to coaching. I NEVER want my clients to feel the way I felt in the situation with the previous coaches: What am I paying for? What is it about me? Am I enough?
I run my business this way—seeing people as individuals with individual needs around movement and health. My clients also have concerns for time, availability, readiness, and economics, etc. But most importantly I really want to know who you are! I actually want to help you move toward your dreams.
I don’t believe that my method of training is for everyone. In fact, I don’t have one method—other than establishing a deep connection with my clients. I cannot market what I do to the masses. I don’t do marketing. I believe we can only be “marketed to” in areas of “not enough” or “not good enough” and I don’t want to support self-hatred. I want to support the opposite. I want you to LOVE yourself through knowing yourself.
Every time you are hooked by an ad, ask yourself: what is that hook tugging on? I am going to bet it is your negative self-talk, the things you say to yourself like you are not enough, you need this medicine, this program, this surgery, this “thing” to be fulfilled or to feel whole. As your coach, I am going to tell you every single day that everything you need is already in you, and it will be the truth.
The other day one of my clients was marveling at her ability to lunge (when she had not been able to before) and remarked “aren’t you proud of your work?” I replied and pointed at her—“that is not my work, that is ALL your work.” Aren’t you proud of showing up to change your limiting beliefs? I am proud of you for consistently showing up to do hard things!!
When you engage in the process of doing hard things for yourself your life changes unimaginably in ways that I cannot define. I cannot and will not say to you “if you train with me your life will change like this…and like this,” as the marketers do—they prey on your self-hatred—”if you weigh less, you’d be more” they tell you. You will never be more until you choose YOU.
So—loving yourself. That is really something. I believe it is your actual purpose on this earth. Mark Twain said “The two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” Your purpose on earth is not to get rich. It is to serve. Who are you serving? How are you serving? How can you be of service to more people? How can you over-deliver to the people you serve? That is the question I have posed to myself during quarantine. Who is my ideal client? The ones I have.
If you are in my sphere we are merging ecosystems in a heart-centered way. I am here to serve you through connection. The only deliverable I have is holding you accountable to your stated goals through asking you questions and pointing out the ways I see you not loving yourself.
Here are a few ways you can start to love yourself better.
Find three things to be grateful for, right this second. Clear negative energies through meditation, breathing, gratitude. Set intentions and goals and celebrate every success no matter how small.
Any time I feel stuck or lost I know that I am not fully conscious or clear. I know that the way back to myself is through grounding first.
Gaining clarity comes through releasing any negative energy you may be holding onto. Negative energy is truly at the root of “dis-ease” and illness. It is easy to see how not feeling grounded along with holding onto negative energy can make you feel pretty lousy. Practicing gratitude will shift your energy quickly and I find that as a daily practice it always improves my energy. One way that I may be subject to negative energy is by not having clear boundaries in relationships. For example, I might be prone to replay interactions with someone I feel took advantage of me. I know that those negative situations can only occur when I am not clear.
“Confidence comes from being able to demonstrate to yourself that you can handle any situation without being stopped by fear or thinking about failure.” -David Elliott.
Have you lost your mojo? Have you lost your motivation to do certain things or anything?
How can we get clear on intentions when our energy is low and we are feeling depressed, angry, sad or fearful? How does one restore faith?
Getting clear and staying clear is a process that starts with getting grounded.
Grounding can happen in a variety of ways. Grounding for me can be standing barefoot on the earth—the actual earth—dirt, grass, rock or in the garden digging in the dirt. Since it is winter there are many other ways to center and ground oneself including simply setting the intention to ground yourself and speaking it aloud or to yourself: “I am grounded, secure and in alignment. I am sending roots down into the earth to strengthen myself.” I generally choose to do this while seated in meditation. But one can be doing or not doing anything to repeat this phrase. Inhale deeply and exhale fully and repeat the phrase as many times as you like. Here are a few more grounding techniques:
- Five Senses-Noticing: Seated either on a meditation cushion, the floor, or in a chair with your feet on the ground. Notice everything you hear. Note how sounds come and go outside of your control. Note all the sounds, loud and quiet. Notice how they arise, get louder and then leave. Then note, with your eyes closed, all the things you see—yes, even through closed eyelids, the light is there. Note the images burning on the retina—the shadows and light as they appear to you. Like cloud-watching, see if you can name the shapes. Then notice everything you smell. Odors and fragrances appear and disappear outside your control. Notice the things you can taste. And then notice everything you feel—the places your body is touching the earth, the ground, the chair. Notice any aches or pains, any tingling sensations and notice how you are not in control of any of this. Notice what the breath feels like—is it rapid or slow, are your breaths deep or shallow, do you feel the breath in your belly, your chest your nostrils? This is an exercise of simply noticing what IS.
- Quick Centering: If you are feeling as though you need to center quickly, put your hands in water and repeat to yourself the phrase that you are “grounded, secure, and in alignment.”
- Meditate: Begin the meditation with the “noticing exercise” in #1. You can begin with any sense—but go through all five and in the end of it return to your breath. Notice your breath.
- Sit With Your Pet: Animals are almost always grounded. Be close to them and touch them.
The truth is that there is no one way to find your own center. It’s your center and only you can find the way there. My goal is to help you find your way back to yourself through awareness, gentle nudges, humor, breathwork, and movement.
Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have.
So hang out with people who inspire you and force you to level up!!!!
Stay strong!!! You do YOU better than anyone!!!! Plus everyone else is already taken 🙂
I love you!